Questions...

My Wonderful Parents

As a child, I never saw my hearing loss as a problem or an issue.  My parents never treated me any differently.  I was raised like any other child regardless of my hearing situation.  They instilled in me that I can accomplish anything and my hearing should never stand in my way.  I wouldn't be who I am today without their love and support.  I feel I have done well with balancing my life between the Deaf and hearing worlds.  In the past year, it appeared things were becoming much more difficult in the hearing world.  It seemed that I was not able access information as easily as I used to.   

I remember the first time my parents asked me if I would consider getting a cochlear implant. It was Fall of 2007.  I was telling them about a young child who recently got an implant and the parents did not want the child to associate with the Deaf Community.  I shared that I believed the child is still deaf regardless of the implant.  Then, we talked about how well my brother Scotty has been doing with his implant.  Afterwards, my Dad asked me, "would you get an implant?"  My parents have never posed this question to me and always wanted me to make decisions on my own.  They always respected my thoughts and would support me no matter what.  I simply told them, that I am not a candidate because I can hear very well with my hearing aids.  My parents accepted my answer and that was the end of the conversation.  Deep down, I was not ready to go down that route and was fine hearing the way I am.  I know my parents want me to be happy.  We have seen how much more confident Scotty has become with his implant and I am sure they wish the same for me.  A few weeks after this conversation, I went down to Arkansas to give a presentation on hearing loss to Tyson Corporation.  I was asked the question again from a member in the audience, I responded the same way, "I am not a candidate for the implant, I hear too much with my hearing aids", but secretly, I did not want to consider it.  

Over winter break, another question was asked... I was sitting in the family room, with both of my parents sitting far to my right.  My mom said something to me and I think I did the "deaf nod" (when you nod your head and pretend that you heard everything...terrible, I know. Even as an adult I did this.).  My dad asked me if I heard what my mom had said and I got a little crabby and I said that I did.  He asked again what she had said.  I tried to repeat as much as I could and thought, geeze am I at an audiology appointment?!  It turned out that I had the information all wrong and did not understand a word.  So, at this point, I was crabby and frustrated that I reminded my dad that I am hard of hearing and that I cannot hear well.  Also, I told him that the television is on too loud, mom did not have my attention and I was not looking at her lips. Then, on top of that, I said I have a high frequency hearing loss and I don't hear women's voices very well.

It was not very convincing, I should be able to recognize my mom's voice like I always had!  I admit I was rude by stating those reasons.  I felt guilty for my behavior and know that my dad means well and sincerely cares.  My dad responded that he just wanted to be sure we are doing everything we can to help me hear.  Well, I felt even worse and made a commitment to follow-up with my audiologist as soon as possible.